These Tough Talks We Tend to Avoid

Visuallys / Équipe Visuallys IA Hiver-Printemps 2023 avec Midjourney

It often starts as something that barely makes us raise an eyebrow. A small pebble in the shoe that we notice at the beginning of a hike. A tiny pebble that we become aware of only once we're finally ready to set off. So small that it doesn’t seem worth it to put down the backpack and take off the shoe to remove it. We’ll endure this tiny pebble. We're not even 100% sure if it's really there.

But then, after a few meters, it starts to irritate us… it's definitely there, and it even becomes the focus of our attention. After a few kilometers, it causes bleeding, slows us down… it hurts, and it annoys us. Suddenly, we have to stop everything, take off the shoe, disinfect, put on a plaster, and take a deep breath to calm down.

The conversations we don’t want to have come from various origins. An incident at work, a disagreement between friends, an unshared opinion that we keep to ourselves because It seems too risky to bring up the topic.

The sources of difficult discussions are numerous, but they all have one thing in common: the feeling of discomfort and stress they generate in us. We feel frustrated, angry, stuck, overwhelmed by strong and negative emotions.

We all face them from time to time… but then… how and when should we act?

While avoidance can sometimes be a fruitful strategy, it’s often not the best option in the long term, especially if the relationship with the other party is important to you.

Are you starting to feel fear, anger, frustration, or any other negative emotion? That’s another sign that avoidance is no longer serving you.

Alright, let’s take action. But how do we start?

First: try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. You perceive a problem and have mulled over the situation many times in your head. Is the other party even aware of the issue you see? Is it a good time for them to hear you?

Second: rationalize, try to put aside your feelings to focus on facts. Easier said than done. Approaching the conversation with heavy emotional baggage will likely lead to an emotional escalation… and then, the worst-case scenario you’ve been building in your head will become reality. (Don’t worry, many of us tend to spend hours in ''worst-case scenario mode'' . It's exhausting and usually never serve us ... but we do it anyway.)

Present your points constructively and non-violently. Speak in “I” statements. Remember, your goal is not only to be heard but also to preserve your relationship with the other party.

Third: prepare your list of topics to address and questions to ask. Like in any emotionally charged situation, it’s better to arrive prepared, with notes in hand, to avoid straying from the subject.

Fourth: take action.

The best way to mare your fears disappear is to face them. You are prepared, you have your objectives in mind, your points are written constructively. You’re ready.

Article written by Maé Ustarroz

Management and Communication Specialist

Founder of Pangea Strategy

Pangea is a network of experts specializing in strategic communication, change management, and management consulting. Our mission is to support impact-driven organizations in their growth and performance.